Gloria and her husband, Luke, opened their hearts and home to their children with the support of free
resources from the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. Hailing from West Virginia, they are passionate about addressing the state’s disproportionate number of youth in foster care and helping to find loving homes for every child. In this guest blog, they shared their adoption story with the Foundation in their own words.
When we became foster parents, we initially informed our agency that we were ready to accept one or two children. Of course, this story begins with four beautiful kids who came to our home and never left. Our quiet world was rocked by a placement phone call for three siblings. These sweet littles ones were so gracious and patient with us as we navigated parenthood for the first time. Only two months into fostering, we learned our children’s birth mother was pregnant with a baby girl who would need a home.
We heard our children’s stories – how they were in and out of care, frequently separated due to “difficult behaviors,” and the fact most homes weren’t open to that many children. Diagnoses, labels and stories were scripted for our kids, making it more difficult to find a home where they could stay together. Shortly after the baby girl’s arrival into our world, we learned our kids’ case would likely lead to adoption. In one sense, we were over-the-moon excited and ready to be their forever parents, yet we knew we needed more support.
We sought out the David Thomas Foundation for Adoption for resources. A simple search through the Foundation’s site landed us on adoption stories from parents with similar experiences. As soon-to-be parents, we also discovered the digital adoption guide. We clung to every word. Those once loud “voices” that pinned labels onto our children, were now quieted by the beautiful echoes of the Foundation’s voice and mission – a voice that so gently reminded us, “Every child is adoptable.” Our kids needed a family, and we were honored enough to be their forever family.
To us, “family” means unconditionally and forever loved, safe, wanted and chosen. Family is the biggest blessing God ever gifted us, which made our children so easy to love. Time and time again, we’d catch unsolicited remarks like, “Wow! You’ve got your hands full,” or … “Are those ALL yours?” We get it. Our kids are young, spicy and quippy. Our 5, 4, 3 and 1-year-olds (at the time of adoption) keep us on our toes, but we want them to know they’re our greatest blessings. While our hands may be full, our hearts are infinitely fuller as their mommy and daddy.
Children in foster care have undoubtedly experienced trauma in ways most people never have. Additionally, many children in care have had hurtful labels and narratives written for them that make them seem “unadoptable.” As a mom of these four incredible kids, I’ve come to realize children in care desperately need loving parents to advocate for them and help them rewrite these narratives.
They were so young when they came to our home. We didn’t anticipate having those challenging “talks” about their traumatic past right away. Our 4-year-old daughter started piecing the more jumbled parts of her story together. I recall vividly a quiet bedtime conversation we had one night.
“Mommy, where were you guys a long time ago? A long time ago, I wasn’t here. You weren’t here. And neither was Daddy. I was at a different house. I couldn’t find you. Where were you?” she said.
While it was perhaps the most challenging moment of our entire fostering period, we brushed the “sleepiness” out of our eyes to help her understand her story better. While there was pain and great trauma in her story, there was also a homecoming that meant forever safety, love and family. Shortly after tucking her in and rounding out our unexpectedly deep chat, she ecstatically proclaimed with a proud smile in her voice, “Then God let me find you, Mommy and Daddy. I found this house for us [kids] to stay in forever.”
We were by no means superheroes, but we sure felt extra special that night. Even though our daughter hadn’t known us before coming to our home, she knew this placement was different in her heart. She felt it.
Children don’t need fancy superheroes as their parents. While you may rock a costume to fend off imaginary aliens or don a fluffy, feathered boa to a princess tea party, children need unconditional love and a safe place to call home. They need to know you’re always there for them … even when the going gets tough. If you’ve been waiting for just the “right moment” to begin your journey of adopting from foster care, may this be your sign to take those next steps.
Thank you, Gloria, for sharing your family’s story and for encouraging others to open their hearts as foster or adoptive parents.
Were you adopted or have you adopted from foster care? Share your adoption story by filling out the Foundation’s story form.
